“If you are not winning, you’re losing”
The mindset I was raised on.
Thing is, I’m not a “winner” in the ball-scratchy, ego-heavy way society seems to work, and although, over the period of my life have achieved so much, I’ve been left with the notion that I haven’t. Until recently.
A lot of this boils down to money equalling power, and while I did earn well for many years when working in advertising, I have never been “well off”. In fact, I think it’s safe to say, that I’ve not experience fiscal stability of safely in my life yet. Does that make me feel defeated? It used to.
I’m not a “go with the grain” being. I don’t fit.
Not in the boxes, stereotypes or roles that society has laid out for me as options for my possible path.
Never. I just never did. This made childhood with a very demanding colonially minded father wildly uncomfortable.
Add to this the not knowing that I was in fact, on the Autism spectrum, with many learning difficulties and that I could not – even if I desperately wished and tried my hardest – (I did, both of these) fit.
And so my life rolled out as one endless failure.
My life path littered with the discarded failures of a life that was planned by someone, who wasn’t living it. I didn’t measure up to the hoops I need to clear to get the encouragement, accolade and, I can only put it bluntly here, love I craved.
I apparently just “gave up, “quit” and “failed” at just about everything I was tasked with doing.
My life was eternal defeat. I was beaten. In all senses of the word.
The last six years of cognitive effort to come home to myself. To heal. To walk in the grace of who I am and what my purpose is has shown me a woman who is no quitter.
She doesn’t accept defeat.
Not because I don’t know when to stop, have no boundaries, or self-respect, and I just keep going at all costs. No. Not that at all
It’s because now, I do know when to stop.
Knowing our limits and capabilities is a radical act of salf-love.
It’s self-love on levels society begrudges.
The allowing of human-ness. The distancing ourselves from the need to produce like machines, bypass our emotions, and keep pushing to validate our worth with our bank balances.
I was raised to be this monster. *points upwards. The one I just typed above. Make money, at all costs. You’re nothing without money in the bank…
But also, the notion that there’s never enough, and you will always be financially fucked, so keep pushing…
To get past this mindset has been a trip. A journey.
So here’s where I have evolved to:
Defeat is a concept.
Just like time, and it’s a bully-like mindset that exists to keep us from allowing ourselves the dignity of rest, of pause, of thought, mental nourishment. It keeps us in mental subjugation to a system that thrives on our need to fit in, and feel accepted.
We are slaves to the fear of being seen in the light of “defeat”. It’s the ultimate end. Desimacion of hope and self-worth.
It’s also absolute fucking bullshit.
The concept grew from greed and power weilding, and exixts ONLY of we allow it.
We am raising our kids with this thought:
We don’t fail… WE LEARN.
How can we ever know what works for us if we don’t allow for cock ups? Medical science, engineering, space travel…cornerstone highlights of humanities developments have only come about by cocking up, and trying again.
Because they needed to get it wrong, to get it right.
Think of a baby. Time to get walking. Baby pulls up and falls down time and time again. And yet, persists, because it doesn’t care for our capitalist thoughts of “failure” its’ too busy learning.
If babies thought the way did, NONE OF US WOULD WALK!! We’d all be “defeated” from the getgo, and spend our lives on our asses.
And so I am saying, that ‘defeat’ doesn’t exist in the heart, where our loving tenacity is present.
It exists only in the mind. And as such, is very much an act of ego, and therefore can be managed.
t’s a self-protection mechanism from the thoughts of others. We don’t want others to think of us as powerless.
The last few years I have come to know and love the POWER that comes with self-respect.
This came from learning when to let go. To surrender.
I’m totally fine with someone else thinking I am a quitter if I chop and change about in my life, seeking my path and purpose. I am also totally ok with people assuming they have a better handle on life if they don’t behave as I do.
I’m ok with all of it.
Because what people think of me, is not my business. It consumes my energy to entertain those thoughts at all.
What matters though, is knowing when something is no longer for you. When the energy is no longer in sync with your flow and path.
There are no medals or accolades that bring a better life for people who stay in destructive or toxic relationships, just to say “I come from a time when we stuck it out”.
As if there is honor in avoiding difficulty, change or pain.
As a child of people who ‘stuck it out’, I can say with confidence that there is no honor in staying where love is no longer being served.
And having the self-love and power enough to surrender and release, takes grace and humility unfathomable to those who see defeat in letting go.
To surrender, is divine.
It takes trust, intuition and quiet power that may well look like weakness to the brashness that surrounds is in society.
No matter how it looks to anyone else, having the inner power to know when it is time to be moving on, is something quite profound.
It is an act of deep self love. And act of the heart.
Defeat is ego. Man made. Brutal. Bullying and dominating.
Surrender is divine. Born of inner knowing, self care and love.
As change comes to my life now, I open my arms wide to it, allow the love to flow, to and from me, with trust and a willing heart. Because the days of me bowing to the brutality of my own concepts of defeat, beaten into me as a child, no longer serve me.
And so, I surrender it to the ether, with empathy for what it felt it needed to achieve.
I set it free to make its own peace.
Only love lives here.
And I surrender to its power.
My heart to yours, in peacful surrender.