Do you Remember? – A letter to my lover

non-official video (the official is amazing, but hugely distracting from my point here.)

My lover,

each year that this day arrives, I am reminded deeply of our beginnings. Of the exhilaration of getting to know you. Learning your mind. Your heart. The inner reaches of your dreams and aspirations.

It was a heady romp through an imagined space we willed into being.

A life together.

The unthinkable once, made real.

If ever we begin to think that we are not capable of manifesting what our hearts desire, I want us to look back. To those two, younger, less bogged down and “adulty” selves and see the magick they exuded. See the fire in their eyes and feel the determination to connect and create more and more magick.

I can still vividly remember every tingle in my body waiting for you in that freezing airport for hours more than was needed in my anticipation. And the electric SNAP in my chest as I realized you were climbing off that plane, about to walk through those the doors into my completely overwhelmed arms.

I remember whispering “is this real?” into your neck as you enveloped me in your glorious embrace for the first time, and you whispering back “I’m never letting go” into my hair.

And you haven’t. And some days, it still doesn’t feel real.

What a life it’s been my magnificent muggle. My most beautiful UG.

When I heard the song I’ve built this letter around the first time, I sobbed.

For all the memories. For all the moments. Not just that had passed us, but the ones ahead. The ones we have made, and will make.

The enormity of the power we have to make this life anything we choose it to be hit me like a sledgehammer to my heart.

We have walked to places so dark, the light has never been there. And we have wondered hand in hand in moments so bright we have closed our eyes and just trusted our footfall.

But we have done so together. Even in our most separate moments, when things have been so close to the edge. We held on. We remembered why.

Because, love.

It does always win.

But what we have had to learn, is that it, alone is not enough. It requires so much more than lip service, some signatures on paper, and the intent to stay true…

It takes that selfsame fire, will and determination we came together with that very first time we touched, after months and months of yearning to, but in a slower, more controlled, and balanced way.

I do remember when. I remember so much. But my memory fades as I step more into the now and just live this life, this love and our bond with you, day to day.

Expectations now well out the way and the gift of our reality feeding into my will to keep creating this space with you.

No illusions. No pretense and wishing for anything we are not.

We are our own beings. And although bound inextricably over time, so many lifetimes now, we still remain our own.

My initial desperate will to belong and to own has dwindled in the warm light of knowing that love is not ownership. Love is not possession. It’s not jealous, needy, clingy, or forced.

And so, as I type this, and relisten to the track, I am sturdied by her words

“the last time you’ll be mine”.

You’re not mine. You’re your own. A magnificent being who chooses to share himself with me. And for that, I live deeply grateful, humbled and blessed.

Just as I have grown into freeing myself to be my own woman, who chooses to love you.

Thank you, my precious love, for tweeting back to me that very first day. For being willing to talk about snails and for every moment thereafter, right up until the one where you will read these words.

It’s been nothing short of phenomenal loving you all these years. And I shall have you know, that I have absoloutly no intention of stopping. So hold onto your hat, because it’s going to continue to be a wild and wonderful ride.

I adore you.

my heart to yours,

Always.

———————————————————————————————–

Do you remember the late morning
When we went back to bed,
When we found the first position
And every muscle rested

I do remember that I already
Knew it was the last time,
The last time for first positions
The last time you’ll be mine

Do you remember the scars I showed you
The stories I told you
How I always said forever
When you aksed me to stay true

Do you remember when we forgot
How to smile at each other
To believe that the other
Want only whats good for you

Do you remember the late morning
When we went back to bed,
When we found the first position
And every muscle rested

I do remember that I already
Knew it was the last time,
The last time for first positions
The last time you’ll be mine

Writer(s): ANE BRUN
Copyright(s): Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Tagged , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *